I know I want to get married for the baraka, the physical closeness, the new experiences, etc. But the idea of getting so close to someone emotionally; frightens me. I want so badly to have that connection but its hard for me to say 'I like you' or to say 'when will I see you again?' even though I want to. My one other sincere experience with marriage talks came maybe 3 or 4 year ago. I was "in love" with a guy I'd "known" since my young teenage years. To me he was perfect. He was everything I could have wanted in a future spouse, so I thought, and I told him that -over facebook. Very bad idea.
My mom later told me that a man should like you more then you like him, and I now see the wisdom in that. But maybe I'm letting that hold me back to much. Or maybe I'm just to worried. I still think me and the new guy had a good time talking to each other and I learned new things about him. He said he likes me and he said I looked beautiful today, Alhumduillah, that made me feel really good. But I was reluctant to say 'I like you too' or 'That hat looks pretty good on you'. I guess there's a part of me that's afraid of things not going well and there's a part of me that feels the opposite. It's frustrating because I know that this is a blessing from Allah that someone has taken interest in me especially after my first experience went so poorly. But still I wonder, Is he gonna call me? Will he get bored of me? When will I know if its right? Insha Allah I'll put my trust is God and make dua for the best.