Obsession with perfection

My drawer of lotions, toners, soaps, hair creams, etc.

The reality is that women are imperfect. We have stretch lines, baggy eyes, uneven skin tone, wrinkles, freckles, acne, large pores, dark eyes... and that's just our face. Their are entire aisles dedicated to relieving us women of our imperfections. Once we relieve our selves of our stained canvases we must then begin to paint -eye shadow, blush, foundation, mascara, lip gloss, lipstick, concealer... And once we've got our face looking presentable we must move on to our hair. Flat iron? Curls? Waves? Don't worry every thing you could imagine yourself to be the beauty industry has created -perhaps that's because they have created everything we could imagine ourselves to be. Unfortunately I am just another consumer, with some reflections, but still just another consumer. Searching for the right products to help me reach perfection.
My biggest rebellion against the beauty industry was to go natural but now that they have a number of products geared to my natural hair I still end up in the aisle looking for products to help it reach perfection -curly fro? wavy? straight-ish? Whatever I want, they have, because they have created all my beauty desires. Last month alone I probably spent over 300 dollars on beauty supplies. My perricone products where the bulk of that cost. I don't know when I decided that spending 100 dollars on lotion was OK. But in another sense I'm proud of myself for finding a regimen that works and sticking to it. But obviously the idea of giving in to "the industry"doesn't sit well. A part of me never wanted to believe that advertising actually worked. But a few days ago I had the scary realization that Perricone advertises on a majority of the sites that I frequent. It hit me how scary and evasive advertising can be in the decision making process. But then again I can tell myself maybe they have the best advertising because they have the best products and if it works who cares if it cost 500 dollars as long as you have the money to spend. And then again I reach a conflict -their are people starving! Not just in Africa or some other far away place but in the streets of Bedstuy and Timesquare. 100 dollars could buy 10 meal for 10 people. 100 dollars could be better donated to Islamic Relief.
Its a conflict of being rich, of course I'm not 'rich' but I certaintly, in theory, have money to throw around. Its the parallels of being American. Wealth isn't -ideally, handed to anyone, everyone has to work for their share so everyone feels as though they deserve the money they have. As logically as this is and as sound as the reasoning seems you'd be hard pressed to find that Africans work any less then Americans. One must say that it is God's divine will that we are wealthy. And too is his will to command us to give in charity. So why not "obsess" over a pure heart, clean intentions and a sound judgement, good deeds and a character that wants what God wants. Maybe because its easy to spend time and money on the perfect image then to go deep inside and spend time on our hearts.

Becoming someone

Alhumduillah (All praise due to Allah),
Ive been out of school for a few months now. I figure I should use this time to 'search for myself'. I love when I hear people say that. There going to find themselves, would that be great to go on some journey and discover my real true self. What a kind relief that would be. But that's not real is it? I truth I've been traveling all my life. My not out of the country, but physically and mentally I've been places, been through different experiences, I've grown, and whether or not I like who I am -I am who I am.
Honestly I'm not the kind of person who's a searcher. I haven't tried many different things in life. I'm never consumed by any particular lifestyle. But now I feel like in this time in my life Allah is giving me this space to do something. Write a book, start a band, study my religion, philosopher, study psych from a-z, learn arabic. And I guess the other question is, do I want to find myself -do I want to change in to one certain identity? Do I wanna be oh Nuriddeen she's the one who-. I walked through so much of life without ever really belonging. And alot of my life I've enjoyed being this way because it gave me a chance to move through different groups without feeling overly connected -always being able to be there without really being there. Being able to constantly move on whenever I felt like I wanted to. But is it time for me to find my niche an stick to it. Is it time for me to find my place in life?