So what if it's april

Apparently it's April and spring is coming. flowers aren't quite blooming but the joy is sinking in. I went outside today with a thin jacket, I took my niece and nephew out to play and we even had a tea party afterward. But alas something must go wrong. I'm not sure what quite went wrong or when. But something has to -it is the inevitability of my life. I have learned not to completely drown in the sorrow and rather take it in stride. It's as if I think marriage will magically fix my life in to this wonderful substance of meaning. Maybe that's how all women feel after years of Disney brainwashing. And marriage in Islam is not frivolous. And you can't just like someone for the sake of liking them. You have to be serious about your intentions, which is good. But it makes it hard for us Muslims ( at times) since you can't walk the gray like of dating or boyfriend and girlfriend you have to make a leap to intentions and marriage. It's a lot of pressure. And I don't know how I will find my mate. Should it be based on loved or just set up arrangement. How do you make that intentions and marry 'till death due you part. But then again it is April and love can be found through the flowers blossoming or a cool breeze. I will fall April and in love he will fall with me