Monday, May 25, 2009

Childlike mind

I'm feeling brilliantly superior as I watch from below all the
civilians passing by. Can I sit here? A plesant looking white lady
asks. I've never asked someone for a sit in Starbucks even when its
obvioulsy available. I feel like it would be a violation of their
space. Being the pushing and people pleaser that I am I smile "yes" ,d
begin to place my bag and guitar on the floor. "No, no, no" she replys
"-I get one from another table". She does and begins to place here
pile of books on a table too small to be shared amongst strangers. I
imagine that her books knock over and spill my frappacino all over me.
That would be the perfect irony "thtas what you get for being nice"
I'd probably tell myslef. Then I use that as an excuse to never give
up a sit again -ha! In fact just yesterday I was on the train after
finally having got a sit , I sat my belongings down next to me. Then
about 2 stops later and agitated middle aged women "asks" me to move
my bag. The way she asked me was more of an inference as if I should
immediately move my stuff because she was standing in front the seat.
I was very tempted to say no, I felt no obligation to move my stuff. I
stood most of the train ride and only sat down after feeling faint ,it
was that time of the month, as my mother would say. But of course I
did not I indtead like a rebellious child moved my bags slower they
usual so she could sit her lovely self down. Why do we have to be
nice? I ask myself and why do some people feel that drive more then
others. It seems that my kindness usual gives me less space on a table
and childish thoughts of the sweetness of saying no.

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