"People cannot be who you want them to be, they can only be who they are", these are the words I told my 5 year old niece when her mother became unnecessarily upset with her. I said the words but now I realize their in depth meaning, I recently coined the thought 'the many beings of the human'.
But more so to my first point I have realized that I cannot forced my parents, my friends, classmates, sisters or anyone else to be who I wish them to be. I can though pray for them that they become their best selves. This is becoming more and more crystal clear to me. I have wished that my parents were many things but I realize that they have also wished that I were many things that I simple am not. Whether or not what we wish for each other is good or not, it simply is not. It is not nor can it be other then what it is. Descartes, so far one of my favorite philosopher asked what is wax an how do we judge it. Wax is wax whether it is a candle or whether it has melted the wax contains the same properties which made it defined as such. No matter what you do with it, the essence of wax will remain.
Similarly to the essence of people. No matter who you dream them to be they will be the essence of who they are; unconditional, and unchanging. Their core will remain the same; whether they are a parents a spouse a child or a student. The essentials of who they are remains.
So who am I to want to change their essence. But when their essence is in effect self destructive and contagious how do we shift ourselves for the best situation. The answer is that we take the good and leave the bad. This takes me back to my 'beings of the human' theory: a person can be good and bad. It is us, the children who must chose the parts of them that we wish to take on as our on and leave the rest as a remainder for them. We have a choice, we can either unconsciously become just like our parents, siblings, or even media 'people' or we can chose. My parents have may good characteristics my father 'knows a little bit of everything' and my mother is a analytically neat person. I hope to have both of these characteristics but their are some I would like to leave behind. We have to actively look at our parents and chose our own lives. This is why kid can see his mother be abused, feel bad for her -then end up abusing his own wife. He didn't actively make the distinction between his father and the abuser. His father may have been a good dad and therefore the child see abuse along side love. But once we separate the worker, from the abuser, from the father they become fragments of a human, beings of a human a we become creators of our own destiny.