Obsession with perfection

My drawer of lotions, toners, soaps, hair creams, etc.

The reality is that women are imperfect. We have stretch lines, baggy eyes, uneven skin tone, wrinkles, freckles, acne, large pores, dark eyes... and that's just our face. Their are entire aisles dedicated to relieving us women of our imperfections. Once we relieve our selves of our stained canvases we must then begin to paint -eye shadow, blush, foundation, mascara, lip gloss, lipstick, concealer... And once we've got our face looking presentable we must move on to our hair. Flat iron? Curls? Waves? Don't worry every thing you could imagine yourself to be the beauty industry has created -perhaps that's because they have created everything we could imagine ourselves to be. Unfortunately I am just another consumer, with some reflections, but still just another consumer. Searching for the right products to help me reach perfection.
My biggest rebellion against the beauty industry was to go natural but now that they have a number of products geared to my natural hair I still end up in the aisle looking for products to help it reach perfection -curly fro? wavy? straight-ish? Whatever I want, they have, because they have created all my beauty desires. Last month alone I probably spent over 300 dollars on beauty supplies. My perricone products where the bulk of that cost. I don't know when I decided that spending 100 dollars on lotion was OK. But in another sense I'm proud of myself for finding a regimen that works and sticking to it. But obviously the idea of giving in to "the industry"doesn't sit well. A part of me never wanted to believe that advertising actually worked. But a few days ago I had the scary realization that Perricone advertises on a majority of the sites that I frequent. It hit me how scary and evasive advertising can be in the decision making process. But then again I can tell myself maybe they have the best advertising because they have the best products and if it works who cares if it cost 500 dollars as long as you have the money to spend. And then again I reach a conflict -their are people starving! Not just in Africa or some other far away place but in the streets of Bedstuy and Timesquare. 100 dollars could buy 10 meal for 10 people. 100 dollars could be better donated to Islamic Relief.
Its a conflict of being rich, of course I'm not 'rich' but I certaintly, in theory, have money to throw around. Its the parallels of being American. Wealth isn't -ideally, handed to anyone, everyone has to work for their share so everyone feels as though they deserve the money they have. As logically as this is and as sound as the reasoning seems you'd be hard pressed to find that Africans work any less then Americans. One must say that it is God's divine will that we are wealthy. And too is his will to command us to give in charity. So why not "obsess" over a pure heart, clean intentions and a sound judgement, good deeds and a character that wants what God wants. Maybe because its easy to spend time and money on the perfect image then to go deep inside and spend time on our hearts.

Princesses and Super Hero's

There's a theme in many stories, especially princess movies and superhero comics of an alter ego. In Cinderella she is a servant in the eyes of her step mother and sister and then suddenly a princess in the eyes of the prince and all other at the infamous ball. Mulan is a common girl turns in to a male warrior by a little ambition and a change of outfit. Superman a hero who saves earth from its daily threats but is know by most as Clark Kent the reporter. And Batman the dark knight also a superhero is known commonly as Bruce Wayne the billionaire playboy. Lastly of my examples a story from the Quran (and bible) of Yusuf: When his brothers saw him rich and powerful in the land of Egypt they did not recognize him.
How do these character represent the complexities of identity. It a joke that many of us have probably washed away. How could you not recognize someone just because they change there clothes? Remember in Cinderella (the version with brandy) when the step sisters come back from the ball and she starts singing and imagining how the ball (that she of course went to) would have been. In the end she does a curtsy the same way she did at the ball and the step mother rages "the thought of you with the prince is laughable", "why" says Cinderella, "because your common .... and you'll always be common!"
The issue here, the larger picture as stated so clearly in this movie is the way people see us and the way we see ourselves. IN the movies and stories its not simply the change of clothes but it is a change in the role the character plays in the story. Who was once common is now beautiful, who was once a selfish and inconsiderate is now a hero, who was once weak is now powerful. It is such a large incongruence that outsiders cannot the character as one full person with the ability to leap in to different interests as a full person.
When others become so use to seeing us in one state it becomes nearly impossible for them to see us in any other way. We do this all the time in real life, we see people how we chose to see them and what we find convenient. Like the father who still sees his adult daughter as his little girl. Or the mother who sees her grown son as her little boy.
So how do we allow people to see our full selves, how do we live up to our ideals, is it healthy to have alternate identities. It is important to show your true self and be your true self but it is also important to wisely chose who to show yourself to. In the Dark Knight, Rachel, his love interest and Geoffrey, his butler both know of his identities. He trust them and they don't betray him. But how do we know who these people are that can be trusted? What character traits do they display? Well, first and foremost we know we can trust in God since God knows us completely and therefore does not find any discrepancies between different aspects of our identities. But who can we trust after God, friends? Coworkers? Mother? Father? Siblings?
Ideally we should and can judge people from there previous decisions and actions? When ask your sibling for help could you depend on them? When you told you friend secret did she keep it to herself? When you asked your parent for advice where they helpful? These are the answers that will help you decide who you can share yourself with and who you should be more sheltered with.
But what if were are unsure of ourselves. Many people get so caught up in one identity they don't realize how badly that are hurting there potential as a full human being. For example women use to be seen primarily as caretakers now we have completely thrown ourselves careers and are beginning to be seen as equals to our male counterparts. But each role has its disadvantages. If we are seen primarily as caretakers then how can women who want to work been seen as vital and productive to the workplace. But if we are seen primarily as workers then how can we be seen as useful and help to society if we chose to solely be caretakers? If we as women showed men that we are full people with different interest and are perfectly able of carrying out one or the other or any other responsibilities.
This characterisation is true for groups as it is for people. So you want to be a dancer but your in medical school -who says you can't do both? Being a doctor or being a dancer should not be the fullness of who you are, these are only segments of our lives. When we come back to Allah we will be asked if we believed in one God and his prophets, if we where upright and moral people. But whether or not where professional a doctor or a teacher, a mother of two or a father of five, took vacations every summer or not -are these the kinds of things that will effect our moral standing?
In anything we chose to do we have to do with integrity and morality but we can't limit ourselves out of fear of breaking expectations of others. Was not Yusuf the keeper of storehouses, a wisemen, a prophet? Was not Ayesha the prophets wife, a soldier, and an academic? Is not Barack Obama a husband, father, a basketball player and the president?
When our identities conflict with each other then it is necessary for us to find some congruence between these persons that we both claim as our own. For batman his two identities were becoming burdens because they were moral opposites was he a playboy who only cared about himself, or was he a superhero who carried the weight of the world on his soldiers and saved the innocent. For Spiderman his personalities where conflicting was he the tough guy who fought bad villains or was he a geek to afraid to even let his true emotions show towards the girl he loved. When we face these kinds of conflict we have no choice but to close the gap of incongruence or to chose between our identities which of our "masks" truly belong to us and which we should put down for good.
Allah (SWT) knows us and all our incongruences and discontents, Insha Allah he will help us chose the best of character befitting to ourselves. And when we do may he bless us with strength and courage to show our selves to those befitting of trust, our true sahabahs.

Identity

How bizarre would it be if I had a child and he/she refused to be black. They convinced me that inside they were actually white and wanted me to do everything in my power to make their "inside match their outside". Would I not do everything beyond a doubt to convince m child to love themselves and that being black is wonderful. Tell them about their culture, give them examples of great black heroes, tell them that the people who love them love are black, and look with in myself as to what I had been doing wrong as a parent. So why would I or anyone else be convinced by their children that they were born a boy but are a girl inside or vice versa. And what what messages are we sending to our children if we have set up specific stereotypes that are manly or womanly. Don't get me wrong I don't think boys should be allowed to wear dresses but if a boy say I want to be a girl because I like the color pink the boy should be showed that their are a variety of men and just because he likes pink does not mean he cannot also love being a boy. We are sending our kids a mixed message one end we are trying to break the stereotypes of men and woman on the other end we are reiterating these stereotypes. If we allow our boys and girls to believe that their is this major and imposing structure because of their gender how can they not want to be other then themselves. Though at the sames time their are gender rules most do not interfere with our day to day life. What ever happened to the parent who set a moral structure upon their kids while also telling them to be all they can be. And beside all of this philosophical argument, whatever happened to simply having to listen to your parents without explanations. And yes explanations are good, but have our moral values go down so low that we believe our children to have some sort of enlightenment. We tell our children were to go when to go there and what to do but suddenly they said jump and we leap. And should we really take on the attitude "because I can" simply because scientific technology allows us to "change our gender". We are born in to certain identities. The country and parents your born to, the kind of environment your grow up in your culture or race the year you were born, we cannot change and we have to deal with that reality. Above all we must love our selves, even the selves we would rather not be, but but chosen by God to be. I would rather not have been born black and lower middle class in America but God for whatever his divine reason has chosen this life for me. I will not only make the best out but I will chose to love my life. No I don't like wearing tims and my lip gloss is not popping and I don't drink quarter water but that does not make me any less then who I am. We must teach our children to have morals that cannot be broken and love who they are innately, they should be able to look at the mirror and smile because God chose their identity especially for them.