Every time I stare at pictures of my teacher's Masjid it kind of breaks my heart. It unbelievable to me that this great structure is now ruined... The place where he prayed, taught and gave Jummuah is now destroyed... It's times like this when I wish I were rich... Allah.... Allah has the bounty and did he not say: Everything will perish except His noble countenance.
Exalted is He! There is now worthy cause except to leave by His deen, believe in His creed, and die saying La illaha illala, Ameen

Don't dwell on your failures in the past
Or long for your hopes in the future
Just do what's most just for this moment

Make sure the good deeds add up
And that will be enough

Whether rain or shine
In the presence of the Divine
That will be enough

If getting married will cause you to stray from the path, forgo this sunna. If your marriage is not facilitating your islam, perform the makruh (divorce). If having children will keep you away from Allah, abstain. For nothing is more important then worshipping Allah, this is an obligation to engage in the sunna and bypass the obligatory is a flaw. Everything is a means towards Allah. And if it is not helping you, you should let it go.

God will try you in ways you cannot imagine, the only way to be prepared is to call Him in ease so he'll hear you in difficulty

It's only when you die that you realize all you had in life was your relationship with God, it's the only one that lasts through all life spans -whether good or bad

The believers should be extremist -extreme in their love for God, extreme in adherence to their obligations and extreme in their moving towards him... until they have no concern but Him

Do whatever you want, say whatever you want, be whoever you want, just follow the law of God and you'll be successful

Rihanna, and other reasons tuned out

I mean no exaggeration when I say I love Rihanna. Whenever I hear hear music in the grocery store or in people's car the last time she was on tv (oprah interview) I get this strange sort of excitement. As if she was some how a part of me and if we were succeeding or failing together... this is creepy. But my love for a stranger from the Carribean was only possible through the mediums of Tv and recording music. Imam Amin mention in the end of our last class on hadith in Mecca that we create in our heart a love for these people when we watch Tv. We create in our hearts a love for non Muslims, sinners... Sheikh Nuh said in his lecture on (or rather 'against') music, when we listen to music were listening to an outpouring of someone's nafs. Why would we want to hear the desires of unbelievers? Why would we want to hear about people who indulge in sin?
There's a joke I once read that said -isn't it funny that people who don't watch Tv always want to talk about Tv? I think the same goes for music. Tv and music are such inherit part of our culture that those of us who chose to turn away find a need to constantly explain ourselves. I had a long talk with my mom yesterday about why I won't listen to music or watch Tv any more, in the end I simply pulled out Reliance of the traveller and read the hadiths on (or rather 'against') music and pictures. Because, as Imam Amin also said, we should give credit were credit is due. I'm only a parrot of the knowledge of previous Muslims. I've simply grown in my conviction that what I was doing isn't what I should be doing. And where I want to reach will only be weigh down by these erroneous activities. And Allah knows best.

Music, music, Bad, bad

So of course I've known music was haram for a while, I knew for sure after take a fiqh class with Imam Amin. Then after asking him directly about it. I once once again when a brother mentioned it was the reason for many peoples affliction with the Jinn. Then I knew without opposition when Sheikh Nuh mentioned it and again after listening to a short lecture of his about it. An once more while reading his book. So how many times do you have to hear something being said before you finally give in? Hmmm. And now I sit here in a cafe were the music is basting. I hadn't realized just how much music is a part of daily life. Even once I eliminate it from my personal life I still hear music in the grocery, at restaurants, blasting from people's car -including my own, and blasting in my house by my family members. Maybe this is one of the reasons why Sheikh Nuh's advises his Murids not to go to restaurants. I'm still reading his book, I actually skipped ahead to that part when I was just borrowing the book from a friend. My teacher Imam Amin is a great Muslim but Sheikh Nuh is no joke. In his (and many others shafi fiqh scholars) view pictures, tv, music is haram. It's amazing that once you start to take these things out of your life you realize how much they are/ were a part of your life. It's one things to start a new life, leave the west and go to Jordan to be a Murid and live with the sheikh. It's quite another to try to recreate your life in accordance with the laws that govern being a murid while still living in the west, especially if you don't live on your own. But Allah always gives credit where it's due... I don't really miss listening to Music. I listen to nasheeds that use only the voice or voice and drum (which are halal in shari'a fiqh, though it may be specifically the duff and not all drums) which fulfill my "need" for song and remind me of Allah instead of the outpouring of someone's desires. Then again I don't really get a chance to "miss" music because it is all around me. Sheikh Nuh told a story that a Murid was in a cab and the cabbi was playing music, the murid focused his concentration until Allah allowed him to see the cords in the radio player and to destroy them. The radio was broken, the music gone... may Allah forever be our priority and may we one day be free of the desire for music that dismisses religion and destroys our desire for the afterlife.

Last days in Jordan, Alhumduillah

A woman walked in to the store I was working in. A store filled with random goods and a woman from Senegal who made African clothes. One day a veiled women in all black walked in. "Bonjour" she said, as all the Senegalese did when they walked in to the store. She looked around at some of the jilbabs which was part of my father's merchandise. Then she and the Senegalese tailor started to chat, she offered her to look at some of the Senegalese outfits she'd had. The woman refused and gave a roaring laugh "I use to wear that, but I would caused problems in the street". I laughed to myself not being a part of the conversation but unable to hold back at such an amusing cry. The moral of the story: Modesty is outlined by God and his Messenger (peace of God be upon him) but some of have to go the extra mile when blessed with exceptional beauty ;)

Sati on swing

It's nice to know...

It's nice to know that when I look up at the moon its the same moon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, looked towards. Its the same that shadowed over him. The same one that split for his birth. And the same moon that a companion declared could not compete with the beauty of our beloved, peace and blessings be upon him.

My uncle Ozzy's steel pan

On Umrah

Old picture of the Kaba

Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim,

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds and the peace and blessings be upon our Master Muhammad, our beloved messenger, the one to whom obedience to him is obedience to Allah, Ameen. Alhumduillah I just got back from Umrah! We went to Medina first, the city of our beloved prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. Masjid An Nabi is immensely beautiful. Before we even got there we drove hours from Doha, the Saudi landscape is so beautiful and diverse. Its filled with miles of fertile land, miles of rocks, smooth mountains, mountains that were piles of large rocks, animals -we saw camels, goats and monkeys. Also in driving you get to see some of the remnants of old houses -its amazing how little people took for themselves in the past. Outside of the Prophet's Masjid you do get the feeling that your in a very old place. The many small shops and people selling their merchandise on the floors of Medina. The light of the city is Masjid An Nabi. It is enormous, Alhumduillah I walk around the courtyard a few times. The courtyard is so well kept that most of the time I walked without shoes on. The entire masjid and courtyard is bigger then the Medina of our prophet, may Allah grant him peace and blessings, so you really get to remind yourself of the emigrants and helpers who once filled the community.

I went in the Masjid to greet Rasoolulah, peace and blessings be upon him, twice. The first time was completely overwhelming. There are two times for women -After Fajr and after Isha. I went twice after Isha. The first day I was pretty early, Alhumduillah, in front of me was a crowd but behind me was a sea of women. Once we got in its a pretty long walk inside the Masjid to the Rawdah and to the prophet, upon him be peace and blessings. Alhumduillah I got to get as close as possible. Saudi Authorities are under the strange belief that women cannot visit graves, so there is a plastic wall between us and Rasoolulah, peace and blessing be upon him. Allah bless the people of Saudi and revive the religion of Rasoolulah, peace and blessings upon him, in their hearts and actions. The first day I was a bit confused and dissapointed but nevertheless the spirit of being in the prophet's presence physically is very powerful. When I went to visit Al Baaqi the women were again turned away. This was the next day after I first went to greet Rasoolulah, peace upon him, I have to tell you I felt so distraught and overcome with sadness -to be so close to the grave of our Mother Ayesha, the very one who related to us the importance of visiting the graves, and not be able to greet her. Subhanallah we tried to argue with them a bit but there was no use. I don't think I've every felt so overwhemeld with sadness.

Later on I went to give my farewell salams  to the prophet, peace upon him. This time it was a little less orderly so the crowd felt even bigger. Alhumduillah I got to make my dua, dhikr, and salams being physically nearer to the prophet, upon him be peace, then I'd ever been. There is a beautiful breeze that comes over Medina at night, I spent time in the courtyard making dhikr, writing, and taking in the beautiful diversity of the Muslim community.

Next Mecca! Its a blessing to remembe rthe prophet's victory journey over Mecca. Driving you realize how long of a trek it is and how much faith it takes to leave your home to settle in another so far away. The terrain is rocky! In the mountains you can see remnants of old houses. The lights of Masjid Al Haram are always on! No matter what time of day you can always go to the masjid. You can't see the kaba from the ouside only once you walk through the Masjid can you see the kaba. When I first got sight of it I had a minor melt down. Every where we go we look for the kibla to pray, for it to be right in front of you.... Subhanallah. And then to remember the trials of Hagar and Ibrahim and of course of Rasoolulah, upon them be peace. The kaba is just as perfect as you would imagine it to be. I didn't know how large it was. As a structure alone it has a commanding prosence that I could imagine was even stronger before the many tall building that surround it. I made tawaf and saee twice, The first time with my sister and niece the second by myself. It was great to be in a sea of muslims circling the kaba. Alhumduillah both times Allah provided me an opening to touch the the Kaba. My sister and her husband were able to kiss the black stone on days when they went by themselves. Next we went to maqam Ibrahim, when we tried to pray behind it we were pushed away by a particularly angry guard -becuase were women and should be praying in the back. Honestly if you attempted to find the "back" behind all the men you would be wasting alot of time. We moved back away from the maqam and prayed still "too close" but we were left alone the second time when I went by melf I just prayed as close as I could, Masha Allah. Saee! Running (and walking) between Safa and Marwa brings home the experience of Hagar. The immense faith, trust and hope that she had in Allah.The walk between the two mountains is not a short distance, Subhannallah, may Allah bless our mother. We prayed on Marwa and drank zam zam after our seventh run.

I feel immensely blessed to be brought by Allah to the two sacred cities. I pray to Allah that you are able to go. The minor hardships we had are nothing compared to those of our predecessors. I'll be honest when I was turned away from visiting the grave of Rasoolulah, peace upon him, and Al Baaqi my first response was that I wanted to get out of this country immediately. But after reminding myself what a blessing it is just to be here and to remind myself that the prophet, peace upon him was also turned away I realized that this is to great a journey to not have its trials. Insha Allah please pray for Saudi and make dua that they remember the mother of the city -Hagar, and that traditional islam is revived in there hearts and practice and in our in every aspects.

Peace and blessings to our beloved prophet.

Fiamanillah

I look forward to being an Umm one day... maybe UmmAdam or UmmHafsa or UmmMaria.... :)

Moment of silence...

after a day of babysitting

Wedding dreams

me and you forever

Dear Habib

Dear Habib,
I love you for the sake of Allah
I love you because you remind me of things familiar
I love you because you took my hand and never quite let go
Signed, hoping to be with you eternally

My Lord and Savior

Besides being a psychologist their were two major careers that I also considered. One was philosophy the other was music. Both of which I learned over time is haram. In fact I only learned philosophy was haram to learn and teach (without the purpose of learning in order to refute it) a few days ago in a lesson with my teacher. And music I already knew was haram but I'd heard different opinions on the matters and most Muslims I know listen to music. Both of these career paths I now realize were selfish, being a philosopher would just make me feel like I had a big brain and was better then everyone else, while being a musician would make me completely self involved. Alhumduillah I'm glad God took me away from both of those fields. Psychology, especially with a sound islamic background, is in the service of others. The one who serves the Muslims will be helped by Allah, Insha Allah, and success comes from Allah alone.

Sleeping

OK, so I removed my comforter for sleeping and Alhumduillah I did indeed wake up for Fajr. When I went back to bed I figured I wouldn't have to extend my comforter- less sleep. I sleep and stayed in bed until one minute before Zuhoor :(. Today I think I have to give up the comforter completely and hopefully wake in time to pray Fajr and get up way before Zuhoor. I really just need to sleep the wake the Prophet, may Allah's peace and blessing be upon him, sleep -wake up for Fajr, stay up till zuhoor, then take a short nap. Insha Allah I've done it in the past but it's hard to make it a habit. And success comes from Allah alone.